A man's feet...

What can be said of my love, other than what most know? She is the love of my life...but you probably already knew that if you know a small bit of either of us. Hrm...what to say, what to say... I know what your thinking. How can any man so in love with such a wonderful lady of such regal upbringing as she has, have so little to say of that woman? Well, the answer is quite simple, to be honest with you. No words have been created to fit what my mind and heart know of Torlist's most desired lass.

And she most certainly is desired; many of the "gentlemen" who inhabit this realm know this as a fact. I try to make a habit of telling her that everyday, but being a believer in the adage that actions speak louder than words, only sometimes, on a rare and special occasion, do I tell her with the spoken language.... Besides, she knows my heart and my soul are her's to mend when broken, to tend and care for with gentle affection, to lay her burdens upon when a conflict arises...as her heart and soul are for me.

But why so many believe they can get as close to her as I have is beyond me. After all, I have sat and I have watched with unwavering devotion and patience the attempts of many to gain the loving affections of my wife, even when we were unmarried and meeting with one another in secret, lying in soft conversation within the forbidden and dangerous regions of the Forest of Trenir and on the shores of Lake Calintress, even in the depths of the Forest of Shadows in the old world. On adventures have we traveled with one another, fighting the hordes of Hell and tyranical kings, rebellions, invading tribes of the V'knori...the résumé of our adventures is a long one indeed, extending further than said. The point is, we trust one another with our lives, our hearts and our souls, and we love one another more than any two people should be allowed in my opinion. But who is in the right to put restrictions upon our affinities of heartfelt joy? I dare whomever believes they have such right to step forth and say those words to my face; we'll see who objects to what when I'm through.

Obviously, I'm still slightly bitter from the month-long ordeal Sahyber and I were forced to endure after making "us" public knowledge all that time ago. But we're content, so nothing else really matters; and considering our bond transcends the passages of time further than almost everyone shall ever know and also surpasses the desires of adolescents just now discovering their hormones, I'm not at all worried of anything. We've always been there for each other; we always will be....

If only some of those men who continue to pursue Sahyber knew the wrong they were committing when they make their passes at her. I could never imagine the justifications they force themselves to conjure when they whisper in her ear the literal nothings of lust...a thing they think is love. How does a man fall in love with a woman as quickly as they claim to have with her? I mean really fall in love? They fell in love with her body, perhaps, as she is a most desirable woman, but what of her mind? The heart that beats innocently with unbound passion for life and a love to call her own, or a love to call her "love?" I'd like to see any of her admirerers explain their feelings for her -- to hear them speak of what they think she wants and needs. It takes time to learn the secret chambers a woman keeps locked and hidden from view, especially with the woman I so dearly worship with my heart and mind every waking moment and every sleeping instant. I, for one, forced myself in the background of her life as far as the general public shall ever know, both in Pria's entirety and much of the time in Torlist... as a matter of fact, only we know how well we knew and still know one another and Sahyber couldn't be more happy now, I should think... lest, of course, we settled into a peaceful, carefree life together, our only worry being whether or not we want to go to the tavern, spending our time alone with each other, basking in gentle affection and taking up the things we've always wanted to do, but never had the time for....

Nothing has truly changed, though. She is still that sweet, innocent, youthfully angelic woman I've always known and loved since my early days in that ill-remembered land, traveling from one small town to another, finally relaxing into the Mystic Shadows Inn, where she ran into me one afternoon with all the exuberance one such as she can possess. Thus beginning the fiasco that is us. And I can only hope I am still that same man she once knew in Pria... carefree, full of life, fun-loving...though a bit more mature.

I'm not exactly sure of the divination behind the dreams I have in my quiet slumber holding her warmly and tightly in my arms, her cheek against my chest with her tiny ear pressed over my heart as if using the slow, light beat of that heart she captured and continues to hold for a lullaby. But I have this one dream of her and me, swimming carefree like children we never will be again, as filled with child-like wonder, mirth and content of each other as we've ever been. And there are these... things swimming with us. I know not what they are, stingrays most likely, but they seem to glow, perhaps they actually do. And they whisper in light melody the song of our hearts, the wordless aria of life never sung and the stepless dance of heartilly lovers long since unseen, embued with longevity to the confinement of our eternally-bound souls. I cannot explain its meaning; mayhaps a foreseen future? An omen of good fortune? Whatever this illusion of slumber is supposed to be shall be ascertained in due time, but until then I wait with a smile knowing it cannot be anything disheartening...not if I see her smiling.

We're so much alike, if only you knew. Sometimes we have finished each others thoughts and sentences... knew what the other wanted long before anyone voiced that desire... long before any words were spoken. I remember well the history we have shared, especially the day she professed in quiet her love of me...

Twas on one of our many encounters with one another in the Mystic Shadows Inn back in Pria -- Ekira Onsalla had abandoned me for reasons I shall not ever speak only a few weeks prior and I was about to leave on a quest of self-discovery, trying to discern some kind of meaning in my ruptured life; I hadn't even told Sahyber yet. As Fate would have it, I was packing the last of my few belongings, and into the inn she comes wearing, for the first time, a dress (at least, it was the first time I had seen her in a dress...) of such a simple design that it seemed royally elegant, most assuredly worthy of her shapely form. Gods, you should have seen the way she looked: so proud and commanding, like she were born the heir to a kingdom unlike the commoners she would mingle and spend her time amongst, myself and many many others included. Her hair was pinned in loose display... long, dark brown curls bouncing jubilant against her shoulders, the hunter green gown accenting her eyes in a way it seems only I have ever truly appreciated for what they were. And when she learned I was departing, oh you should have seen the torment that plagued her innocent gaze; you should have heard the soft words spoken on a nearly silent voice, such was her despair. Everything, she tried to presuade me to stay: "I'll miss you too much," and "Please, Andur, don't leave me. I need you here...." All the things she said fell on partially deaf ears, though... until she told me her secret -- the untold truth behind that affection she often held in her quiet voice and concealed vainly behind her jade orbs. I had thought it to be merely a love of friends, as I had made myself believe in regard to my own emotions for her; but twas not the case, as I found out, and like a child waking from naivety, I stood speechless for a long moment. I swear to this day that time truly did stand still for us in that hour, and one would be hard-pressed to convince me otherwise.

I know what most of you are thinking, though. The romantics, at least. You're all probably thinking I rushed to her side and without a thought pressed my lips to her lips, lips which had longed for passion's touch of the other's for what must have been forever and a day... or that we smiled and just fell into each others arms, holding one another in an embrace few could ever hope to break.... But what if I told you that is only what happens in the story books? What if I told you I had made perhaps the best decision in

the world...and broke her heart? Would you hate me? Love me? Either way, that is what happened; and it made our bond stronger in the end. But, yes, I had pushed her away from me, though I tried as lightly as possible. She was persistent, however, refusing to allow me to leave her side, the side I had stayed at for months; she even tried to get me to stay for just one more night and no more, only with her and no one else... alone to talk and get to know one another better. Now, for you immature thinkers out there, I'll have you know she was sincere and innocent in her words... and if you must ask, you shall find that neither of us have ever taken advantage of the other in even the slightest way... unless you would count the time I was teaching her the art of armed combat, and she tossed me to the ground with a move I'd taught her. Of course, my reflexes are a bit better than most would care to know, and she tumbled to the ground with me after I took in my hands her arms, crushing her body to my chest. We stared at one another for a moment or two, till I made a remark we both smiled at... but that was merely best frieinds of long ago innocently at play, and it was before I had destroyed her innocence, so I had thought. But even her attempt at holding me for one night to herself was turned aside, discarded without a second thought, as I knew what it would have led to. And eventually I convinced her she didn't want me to herself at that time, or rather, it was best for her that the night she wanted never happened. After that, she left for a while, so I had heard...to think, perhaps, but only she knows the truth to it; and I need not know.

Of course, she didn't like me much after discovering of my return, probably for what I did to her, mayhaps for something I was rumored to have done, but she would not speak to me for a reason to this day I do not know. I'm not so sure even she knew, but she claims she was merely worshipping from afar the love she thought she'd never hold in her petite hands. One can only imagine my pain at this... to have returned from a war whose battleground was my mind, and to have returned with a broad smile to a woman who had loved me and wished naught more than to be with me, only to find she ignored my every attempt at reconciliation with her...to a friend who would not even acknowledge my very existance. Sometimes, I found myself in the pit of despair and depression, even when I was with my first wife, wondering what I had done so wrong with Sahyber, though I knew quite well what I had done. And a great many times, I tried to fix things between us, but I could never bring myself to appear before her now-forbidden presence. So I, too, would watch from afar as she was approached and courted by many men...; myself, married.

But things eventually came full circle between us, though how many could tell I nae know. After all, we were long-time companions who had met in secret countless times back on Pria and broken apart during the exodus to Torlist. After I had once more departed, this time from Zanakar and the "faithful wife" I thought I had, I came back once more to the society I had called my home for the last year or so, much of which was spent with Sahyber Morgan to walk with me. Now we were in Torlist, once more the exuberant youths we once were in mind, though physically we were a bit older; and we resumed our age-old tradition and rendezvoused in the Forest of Trenir or in the streets of Zanakar from time to time when both could make it. I shall admit; I spent many nights just waiting for her at the fallen log we once flew away to, hoping to find her there waiting for me at the moment I was waiting for her. Many of those nights she was not to be found, but things were well between us; that was all I cared for.

We grew closer in that time after my unknowing divorce. Sahyber and I continued without heed our quiet discussions of intellectual upbringing most could only dream of maintaining. And for the one moment we will always remember, a moment lived in infamy and still being lived like it had never ceased, we -- she and I -- shared the most sacred thing two people can: Our hearts. From then on, a pair of birds in flight we were, gliding in total harmony together, as we did in days long ago.

To those who want the point of this story: All things come around to their givers. Whether it be a hatred unmatched or a love incurable by anything but the object of that loving affection, it shall come to pass. When you're feeling down, depressed, unwanted... just look at what Sahyber and I were forced to endure to be with one another; despair, opposing family, demons, quite literally hell itself and even so far as the adolescent antics of the very people who know nothing of her and me as a couple of either friends or lovers -- the whole world said we'd never make it. But Love, in all its ignorant and blissful glory, says we did.